 - Last login: 44 hours agoKitty6I5
- Kitty6I5 is a 49 year old woman in a relationship from Connecticut, USA.
- Likes 699 pages, 30 videos, 117 photos • 58 fans • Received 39 reviews
- Member since Jun 07, 2007
"The soul that can speak through the eyes, can also kiss with a gaze"
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RESPECT
Without blaming anyone, I suggest we take a look at respect. To start with, we need to look at the beginning. The beginning was birth and separation for the mother and child. For the adoptive parents, the beginning was the discovery of being infertile or being unable to bring a child into the family any other way.
. It was like a big plane crash in a field. All the mothers and babies lying there crying and the rescuers came and carried them off in different directions. When they got to the Emergency Room, they dusted them off, told them they were fine and sent them on their way.. The mothers went home and the babies went to new homes. All were told they were fine. The most sacred relationship in the world has now gone up in smoke. They were told that there wasn’t any accident, no crash, forget about it, just get on with your life. The new parents of the babies were told the babies were fine and they should treat all the babies as if they were their own. As If. That’s a great little phrase. As If.
As if is sort of like treating my cat as if she is the German Shepherd dog I really wanted. But I get so frustrated. She won’t fetch, she doesn’t bark at the door and she won’t get my slippers. I love her, but I get so angry she doesn’t behave the way I want her to. As IF just doesn’t work.
So what really happened to each of those mothers and babies from the plane crash? As I see it, there is no substantial difference between the experience of losing a child to death and losing a child to adoption except:
If there was a real death of a child shortly after birth, the mother’s family and friends would have gathered around and said to her I am so sorry your baby died. You must be sad, let me comfort you, I know you hurt, let me ease your pain. I know you must be angry, let me help you. There would be a funeral and grieving and acknowledgment of what really happened, and there would be a grave to go to and there would be validation and healing. This mother would be given respect
Instead, the mother who loses her child to adoption experiences the psychological death of her child, But instead of comfort, she gets told she did a brave and noble, unselfish, loving thing and she must forget about it, go on with her life. No one wants to help her talk about it, acknowledge it, cry about it, or mourn the loss of the her child. So the loss becomes almost unresolvable. The grief stays stuck in her body and keeping pain in is destructive. She has to go into a kind of shock to survive, hit the pause button on her life and she goes numb. Life is forever changed. You can’t really live that way, but you can exist. She gets no respect.
If there was a real death of a mother shortly after birth, at some point, the child’s father would tell the child that mommy died and it is so sad that this happened to you and you must hurt, let me comfort you and ease your pain and I know you must be angry, let me help you... .and there would be pictures and stories and a grave to visit, and grieving and eventually the child would find out that mommy didn’t die on purpose. This child would be given respect.
Instead for the child whose mother gives her up for adoption, the child suffers the psychological death of her mother. But she is told that she is special and chosen and lucky. She is supposed to forget that there was another mother. Make believe this is your only family, make believe that all is well. As IF it is your own. The message is that it is a good thing your mother is not there for you, is dead for you. You are not allowed to be sad about it, acknowledge the pain, anger or sadness, perhaps even to yourself. You are not allowed to mourn the loss of your own mother. The grief gets stuck in your body and keeping in pain is destructive.So is keeping in anger
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