 - Last login: 44 hours agoKitty6I5
- Kitty6I5 is a 49 year old woman in a relationship from Connecticut, USA.
- Likes 699 pages, 30 videos, 117 photos • 58 fans • Received 39 reviews
- Member since Jun 07, 2007
"The soul that can speak through the eyes, can also kiss with a gaze"
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If adoptive parents got respect, they would have gotten complete information on their adopted child and the truth about the effects on their child of losing the first family. The Adoption Agency and others would have acknowledged the sadness of infertility or inability to have a child on one's own. Their pain and anger would have been acknowledged and they would have been encouraged to grieve the child they couldn't have on their own.
Ignoring the realities of adoption increases the pain and hurt. How can anyone function well if they're told that what is true isn't and what isn't true is? For example, what if I lose my leg in an accident right after birth? And they tell me I didn't lose my leg right after I was born, I was mistaken. But it hurts, mommy, and yet it still feels like something is missing. And I keep stumbling around as if I had only one leg (they wouldn't lie about that would they?) and I don't know why I'm having trouble managing as a two legged person...
Our society doesn't want to acknowledge what has happened to all of us, to give us respect. And truth be told, I lost more than a leg, I lost my mother. But wait, I got a prosthesis, a new mother, a substitute. Why doesn't it work just as well?. Why does it still hurt? Of course our mothers lost a baby... but they got no replacement, no substitute. Respect is truth, no secrets, absolute honesty. We can all deal with the truth. Have we in adoption had our eyes wide shut? Isn't it time they were wide open?
Well, how can we give ourselves the respect we never got? By learning to experience our feelings. By learning to make I statements about our experience. By learning to say I feel sad because, I feel angry because, I hurt because. And when we say these things out loud for the first time and get validated for the first time, the feelings become real in a way they can never be if un expressed. And once the feelings become real, we can start to understand why we feel what we feel and once we understand why we feel what we feel, we can start to change the way our experience affects us today.
We can respect ourselves by expressing our anger at what happened to us.
Having anger about something that happened to us and expressing it does not make us angry people. We need to express it. If we don't talk our anger out, we will surely act it out or act it in, in either case, it is destructive. It is poison and will poison our lives and relationships unless we release it.
We can respect ourselves by expressing our sadness. Feeling sad about something sad that happened does not make us crybabies or wimps. We need to express it. Keeping our pain in is destructive. It is poison and it will poison our lives and our relationships unless we release it.
The only way that I know of to be truly happy is to give ourselves the respect of feeling all of our feelings. If we don't feel the bad ones, we cannot feel the good ones. Those around us often try to minimize our losses, our experience. We must not buy into that. We can respect ourselves by acknowledging the true extent of the effects on us of the events at the beginning. If we don't acknowledge the full extent of our wounds, we cannot heal. Only by acknowledging the truth can we begin to heal from our wounds.
If I am in an accident and go to the ER and they don't examine my wounds, don't clean the depths of my wounds and get the dirt or poison out, I will get an infection, the wound may heal superficially, but the infection is there never the less and I will pay a price. Only when I respect myself and take the risk of opening that wound again and clean it out will I be able to truly heal.
Healing involves a lot of pain, but the alternative.. I guess we have all lived it. We need to give ourselves the respect to climb the mountain of pain that leads to healing. The mountain is steep, but climbable.
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